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Esteban D

by Chinese Radiation

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1.
Sad Dad 2 02:20
2.
My Radiation 02:03
I went to Oklahoma To get over my fear of tornadoes All that I got back was Another fear of living Last summer I was scared of TV Dinners They just taste like my radiation I was scared of you but That didn’t really matter I tried to be a good human But I don’t know why I bothered Last week I went outside Just to try and grab the mail And I got kinda near it But only with my eyes closed He sat down in a recliner With all of his family watching Watching as he got swallowed And all they could do is nothing I don’t believe In subtelty So you can choke On my radiation I want you to choke
3.
Sad Dad 03:29
esse never leaves his bedroom whats he do in there daddy turns on the TV he doesn’t give a damn look right into his eyes do you never truly care i just stare out my window we could be anywhere your mother, she lives like a child happiness is ignorance the things I see wear down on me now turn back up the TV i live and I hope to forget but it always comes back to me the fear in her eyes as she passed away and I must live another day not shaving on the weekends you’ll find yourself getting in trouble never leave the house and I’ll say “okay, now that’s enough” when I’m far away, i never wanna go home to the empty beer cans and fluorescent lights that shine on through to the morning i went to the garage, he was under the car i was gonna leave but he took me i feel like i’ve awoken from a very strange dream and god knows I have no idea what it means stains on our clothing holes in the wall i'm so scared that i’ve missed it all
4.
Alone 01:39
you can't always get what you want things didn't work out with us you just wanted someone to fuck now i just wanna throw up a boy who turns you on and by daytime he's gone i guess i thought you needed me all along you were my only true friend now i feel so alone i thought you could do no harm i know i was wrong you can't always get what you want sunny days could never last long i just wanted someone close by i know that i was dumb
5.
so many ways you can fall apart asleep at the wheel or in my bed after dark have u ever dreamed of somewhere that you've never been? in another car i saw a tiger at the wheel i asked him what it's like to never feel he said its nice and then he cut me off
6.
Esteban D 04:12
I wake up in a house I have no recollection of visiting before. I look out the window and the neighborhood is just as unfamiliar, although it does seem ever so slightly familiar, as if I was born here. I walk out onto my driveway in a baby blue bathrobe that reminds me of my mother. I can hardly remember her, it takes effort. What year is it? I look at the newspaper laying by the mailbox but I can’t decipher any of the words. It’s English, the language I was raised on, but my brain just skips over the words so it might as well be Russian or Chinese. I notice that I can hear birds chirping but it comes with the sudden realization that I have a searing headache Humanity originated in the Great Rift Valley of Ethiopia, or that’s what I learned in (high) school. I remember that my teacher said that it was ironic or funny or something, how humanity originated in Africa and now it’s one of the least habitable continents on the planet Earth. The first human, a lady named Lucy, died by falling off of a tree! A boy who lived down the street from me when I was young fell of a tree he was climbing, and broke his neck and was paralyzed. It was in a neighborhood not unlike this one! My older brother was friends with his older brother but we hardly talked. Hey, I just remembered, my grandpa’s caretaker for the last month of his life was from Africa. He was ghanan or ugandan or something. His name was frank and he lived in Columbus, ohio when he wasn’t taking care of dying people and living in their houses. In fact, I heard him call for my mother when my grandpa was choking on his own vomit and dying. (shout dramatically) “Rachel! Rachel!” he yelled, in a funny accent too, but it was too late at that point. I had never seen a dead body before. We had to take care of my grandpa’s dog when he was gone. He didn’t get along well with our cats, but man, I love to watch dogs do stuff. Sometimes, at work, when my boss isn’t nearby, I go look at pictures of dogs on the internet, or even better, videos. They always cheer me up no matter how i feel! Hey, we sound just like the talking heads! Right, Zach? Right, Danny? Well, jeez, 1, 2, 3, 4! Every night I dream of Esteban D You COME COME COME And see right thru me Ever since I’ve met you I’ve wanted to kiss you So many weeks have passed by and I do nothing but miss you

about

Chinese Radiation is a lo-fi bedroom pop group from Yonkers. NY

profits and proceeds from this album go to the National Eating Disorders Association.

the dog on this cover is a very good boy

credits

released April 16, 2018

chineseradiationmusic.bandcamp.com

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Mount Seldom Records Portland, Oregon

Mount Seldom Records is an independent queer-based DIY record label in Portland, OR

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